I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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