dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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