ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
