Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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