i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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