I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
