My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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