I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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