I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
