She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
