just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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