Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
