3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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