I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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