You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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