If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
