It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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