I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
