At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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