I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
