Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
