bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
