Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
