They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
