i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
