Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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