hotel room ftw
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
