You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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