this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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