I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
