my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
