my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
