Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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