we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your penis caused this!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
