i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
