He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
