I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
