alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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