You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Screwed.edu
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I will be naked everywhere
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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