are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i out mim tonsoeep
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