I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
