Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
