Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
