thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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