somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
