I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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