I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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