I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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