I just pynch a tree in the face
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
