This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
