apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
