she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
